As I sit here and ponder all the things on my heart today I feel like there is so much I could write about. But there is just that one thing in particular that never seems to escape me. Friendship.
To me it's a subject most of the time I try to stay away from, only because bringing it up brings up reminders of the pain it's caused me. It's a subject that has brought many tears, that has broke my heart over and over again, but it's also a subject that talking about has brought healing.
Ever since the day I was born into this world, somehow I've just always been the one to stick out. Growing up I never learned new things or did the right steps like the other kids did at the right time, I was always ahead or behind them, but never with them. I was always the unique one you could point out from the crowd, the one with maybe the loud mouth and a strong will. And trying to just "fit in" and "make friends" was never my thing. The more I would try to fit in, the more I would just stick out. The more I tried to be friends with someone, the more they wouldn't stick around. I've had countless friendships that have ended in tears and misunderstanding, so much trust that was misplaced, and the more I try to fix them, the worse it got. I've been the girl who's had gossip and lies spread about her all over. And when your only 12 and things like that are happening, it's difficult to not take personally. You know that crowd over there, the circle of friends all chatting and laughing and looking like they are having a great time? And then in the midst of that "group" do you see the one that's sorta in the group but standing mostly on the outside trying to be apart but just not fitting in?.. well there ya have it. I watch this over and over and I see the disappointment on the faces of the teens and young ones just trying to fit in to have a friend. And when i see it, it breaks me, because I've been there, I've been that person.
I never share things like this, but I feel like God's telling me it's time. The battles you face and go through aren't pointless. There's a reason and if you let God take control, he will use them for His glory in the end. He will bring you into His victory.
Friendship is a tricky thing. It's complicated, it's messy, and it requires trust, but when you become friends with the RIGHT people at the RIGHT time, it can be the biggest blessing. In fact, friendships are supposed to be a Godly thing, they are supposed to be full of Him. Having friends isn't bad and having friends shouldn't be a dreadful thing, that's not how God made it. A friendship will always have it's ups and downs but a Godly friendship will always prevail. The saying, "You are who you hang around with.." is so very true. In the culture and society that we live in today having a "BFF" or a "group" of friends is looked at as a necessity. And if you don't have one or aren't apart of some group or don't like what everyone else does then you are looked down upon as a reject, and sadly the people who seem to "have it all" make sure to make you feel like that. They make it known. Its better to be yourself and have no friends then be just like your friends and have no self.
Growing up in a twisted culture that tells you that if you don't have at least more then 10 friends that you are then a no one, is not ok, and it's not right! Since when did Jesus ever say as long as you have 10 friends that that's the only way I will love you or accept you? JESUS is to be your best friend, and when he is your best friend, then Godly friendships will follow.
Being young and going against the "normal" of this world, isn't easy, and for me to think all this time that me not fitting in and having countless friendships lost was a bad thing is not all bad! Because in the end, it's brought me closer to Jesus, it has given me the chance to make him MY best friend.
I often look back on my life at all the Friday night's spent home, and hearing about all the fun things people would go and do but never being invited myself, I look back on all the nights where I wold be in the midst of a crowd of "friends" and just feeling so alone, like I would never have a friend that is actually a friend.. I look back on the nights where I was convinced that there was no one that could "handle" me and my opinions and honesty but when I look back at those nights, those are the nights where I found Jesus with me the most. Those are the nights where he would speak to me about my purpose that being with friends or being in a certain group of people isn't what defined me. Being honest won't get you a lot of friends but it will get you the right ones. Don't EVER compromise whats right just to keep a friend, because you doing that is hurting them, you speaking up is saving them.
I look back on the friendships that I wish wouldn't have ended how they did. I often think if I could only just go back in time and fix them and make it better and not said what I said, that it would all be fine. But I always remember one thing, God didn't call me to just sit back and not speak up, but to do what was RIGHT, and not what was easy. God didn't call YOU to sit back and let your friends smoke pot right in front of you and YOU not say anything! He didn't make you to FIT IN with the crowd and be like them. He made you to be salt and light to a world that only knows darkness! He made you to glorify Him with your life, your words, your actions, your heart, AND your friendships. That means who you hang around. And if you are the one like me who is sitting all alone while the rest of the kids your age are together because YOU are choosing to do what's right.. EMBRACE IT. Because you my friend are pleasing unto God.
I always thought me not fitting in was a horrible thing. I thought not having friends was the end of the world. But the older I've become the more I've realized that having friends isn't what it's all about. MY life is to glorify God, not to have friends that make me popular. Being a teenager shouldn't be a contest between who can have the most friends, and the fact that the world, media, and movies have made the teenage life look like all it is about is relationships and having all these friends to be someone important is a shame, it should be about giving your everything to God and loving your family, it should be about desiring to please God Almighty. He know's your needs and your desires and he says to never be worried because He will provide for your EVERY need, right on time. But YOU have to trust Him with your whole being.
When you give your life to God, when you give him everything you have and lay it down before Him and follow Him, He will put in your life the right people at the exact right time, he will bring you an unending friendship with Him, and will put someone in your life to call your friend. He will restore and mend those broken friendships that were lost over misunderstanding, because He makes ALL things new! He is my restorer! He is my friend!
So to all you out there feeling alone, to all you who have been where I have been, I have good news!
You aren't alone, and Jesus is waiting for you! In time, God is bringing you your friend. To be nobody but who God made you to be in Him in a world that's trying everything it can to make you someone your not is one of the hardest battles you will ever fight. Never stop fighting. Never stop trusting.
Someday you will have that friend where if you declare the floor to be lava they will actually pretend it is.. and that's pretty cool, because some people don't, even though you just said it is.
Keep being patient my friend, it's not all for nothing! Open your heart up and let God write His story in you. :)
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.." -Proverbs 18:24
Much love,
xoxo. Elizabeth.
